Surrender

Surrender... this word makes me think of defeat.  Which is a little bit of a downer.

I decided to look this one up in the dictionary, which I don't always do... here's what it says:

1. (transitive) To give up into the power, control, or possession of another; specifically (Military) to yield (land, a town, etc.) to an enemy.
2. (intransitive or reflexive) To give oneself up into the power of another, especially as a prisoner; to submit or give in to.

         Source: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/surrender

I had a conversation with one of my good friends today.  We always have really good conversations about all kinds of things... life, love, the world around us, aspirations, etc.  Today it was about a guy she is seeing.  It's one of those situations that started off with the intent, by both people, to be fun and free, no expectations, no commitment and that was all fine and good.  But a few months go by and you can guess where things end up!  

The conversation got into how we go about conveying our feelings and emotions in a relationship, staying true to ourselves and such.  We are not so young... we are both hovering around 30.  Her guy is a bit younger - mid-twenties. So it was a lot of over-analyzing, assuming and trying to guess what the guy is thinking or how he will react.  It was a lot of listening to my friend talk through her carefully crafted ideas of how to talk to this guy and get him to respond in the way she wants. 

All this fueled by past relationships and situations she had been in.  She wanted the fun and free because she is working toward some goals and in the past had let guys dominate her time and energy and while she wanted some companionship she was adamant about not letting it become a priority right now.  She also had  some relationships where she was taken advantage of.  Others where guys ran off when she opened up.  

And now she's struggling to craft her responses and actions and behavior to avoid all of the past situations from happening again with this guy.  

I bring this up because it makes me wonder about two ideas - surrendering to our past and surrendering to a moment, in the present. 

Do you think my friend has inadvertently (or maybe completely knowingly) surrendered to her past?  Allowing her past to control her current actions and behaviors?  She tries to separate herself, but it's a conscious effort, asking herself, "what would I do, how would I respond, if I didn't have all these things happen to me in the past?".

Should we allow ourselves to surrender to a moment, and stay firmly rooted in the present?  Letting go of the past and all of the things that make us feel jaded.  Letting the present moment, second only to our truest self and cherished values, power our thoughts and behaviors and reactions?  Is this even possible?

What is the balance between the past and the present?  Must we surrender to one or the other?