Mindfulness for Introverts

This article definitely provides some insight on why I've been struggling a little bit despite my efforts to stay mindful and even struggling to make meditation a regular practice!

Excerpt from "Mindfulness for Introverts" Published on May 5, 2011 by Sophia Dembling in The Introvert's Corner:

Mindfulness doesn't necessarily come easily to the busy introvert mind.

 

Do you ever find that when you have something churning in your head--especially a worry--allowing yourself to just fall into the whirlpool of thoughts is easier than fighting them? That keeping thoughts at bay requires huge exertion?

Introverts may be quiet people in a noisy world, but we're also internally noisy, and that's not mindfulness. More like full-mindedness.  Read the full article...

From "cool" to "uncool"...

...kind of how I'm feeling lately so had to repost this from Brené Brown's blog post "cool: the emotional straightjacket".  Hoping to find some nice middle-ground at some point :)  Because right now, I'm thinking, "how uncool is it to even post this on my blog" HA!

What has a decade of research on authenticity, shame, vulnerability and courage taught me about "being cool?"

1. The need to "be cool" is an emotional straightjacket. It keeps us from moving, growing, stretching and feeling free.

2. "Cool" and authentic are often mutually exclusive.

3. It takes courage to feel awkward, goofy, and silly - all of the feelings that we experience when we're brave enough to try something new or risk being innovative. This is so tough for me. My mantra when I'm trying something new and feeling awkward and goofy is "Effort + the courage to show up = enough."

4. The language of cool permeates our culture and sends messages to the people around us - especially our children. Try boycotting words like LAME, UNCOOL, and LOSER. Also, there is an entire collection of words that are used as cool armour by vulnerable teens and tweens (and adults). They include words like retard, retarded, bitch, fag, and queer. Trying to come off as cool and indifferent often leads to the use of hate language.

5. The greatest casualty of the endless pursuit of cool is connection. When we don't let people see and know our true selves, we sacrifice connection. Without connection, we struggle for purpose and meaning.

Have a great week, be connected, and be cool you.

Repost from ordinarycourage.com

Drop the Story!

One of the first practices/lessons I heard when I started learning about Buddhism was "drop the story".

The "story" is referring to the ones we tell ourselves that start with one thought about one specific event (or situation, conversation, etc.) that then manifests itself in to this big elaborate story that is entirely in our head.

For me, it's alot of the "what if..." scenarios and over-analyzing the outcomes of situations.  Another scenario is what I tend to think of as day-dreaming... something sparks a thought, a memory, a fantasy... and all of sudden I am lost in that thought and it is consuming all of my mental capacity in that moment.  So I'll be driving (usually to work, where I am on auto-pilot anyways), in a meeting, or just home, wherever... and my mind is just ALL over the place... but certainly not present in the moment.  And it's because of the damn stories!

So once I started reading more about mindfulness, meditation and Buddhism and the "drop the story" theme was pretty omnipresent, I realized quickly that I would very likely benefit from practicing it.

I am really starting to understand how these stories impact how we handle situations in life and even how we comprehend situations.  We get so caught up in the story we create, we lose sight of what actually IS.  It then ends up impacting how we handle similar events in the future and ultimately prevents us from being present and experiencing life as it IS.

I came across a great talk by Brene Brown that speaks to the power of vulnerability but it ultimately boils down to the same theme - "drop the story!"

The Power of Vulnerability

Someone from the Boston Shambhala Center Under 30 Group shared this video via email.  It really breaks down how essential it is to face vulnerability, rather than trying to avoid it, as part of developing connections with other people.  This is a central theme in Buddhism - in being present, dropping the story and embracing life for what it IS.






Video from Ted.com
Brene Brown's blog

Risk

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

— Anaïs Nin

"I'm sick of the bar scene"

I first dabbled in online dating back in 2005, WAY before it was socially acceptable to admit.  I'm not even sure it is today?  Anyways, I did it then and I am doing it again now.  And it has me thinking on this rainy Saturday morning.  Pretty much every profile I read says something along the lines of:

I never thought I would do online dating but I am sick of the bar/club scene so here I am

Are drinking establishments and the internet really the only two options people consider viable meeting places for potential partners?  REALLY? 

I'm not sure which seems like more of a risk - meeting people while either both or one of you is intoxicated and displaying some watered down (or over-exaggerated, depending on what kind of drunk you/they are) version of yourselves...

OR...

the internet, where everyone puts their ideal versions of themselves in 3000 characters or less, which inevitably leads to disappointment on both sides. 

I'm inclined to read back in history or take a survey of older generations to see how they met their partners.  And maybe take a survey in other countries too.  Because being 20-something and living around Boston since I entered my 20's - this is all I have been exposed to in terms of how to meet new people... drinking establishments and the internet.  There was college and there is work - but in both, the social aspect of each always involved a drinking establishment.  And I don't go to church.  And I know there are these social activity clubs but where do you find people for those... on the internet. 

Maybe I just need to accept the times we live in today.  I definitely need to find a hobby, I suppose.  But I'd really prefer to understand all of the alternatives too.  If there are any...

Changing Habits... with a little help from The Buddha

The Buddha once said:

Abandon what is unskillful.  One can abandon the unskillful.  If it were not possible, I would not ask you to do it.  If this abandoning of the unskillful would bring harm and suffering, I would not ask you to abandon it.  But as it brings benefit and happiness, therefore I say, abandon what is unskillful.

Cultivate the good.  One can cultivate the good.  If it were not possible, I would not ask you to do it.  If this cultivation were to bring hard and sufferig, I would not ask you to do it.  But as this cultivation brings benefit and happiness, I say, cultivate the good.

This quote is referring rather specifically to developing integrity on a spiritual path - by distinguishing the habits and influences in the mind between those that lead to love and awareness (skillful) and those that reinforce false seperation (unskillfull).  From the book: Loving-Kindness by Sharon Salzberg

Deep, I know!

But I am reading this book at a time when I'm not quite so far into my spiritual path so all of the talk of love and awareness is still a little abstract for me.  That said, this message can be interpreted rather literally, outside of the spiritual context. 

For me, it serves as a good reminder, and almost a boost of confidence, that bad habits can be changed. And when I do change them, it will feel good! So many times I, and I'm sure many others, feel like we'll never be able to break a bad habit.  Or develop new good habits.  From eatting, to relationships, to whatever else!  It is always so difficult to change bad habits even when we know they are bad and develop new, good ones even when we know it will help us! 

So if you get discouraged, I suggest reading this - sometimes you just need a little reminder!